And we’re back, witches and wizard-folk! Thanks for your patience during our All-hallows-eve hiatus!
I have officially seen half of the Harry Potter films and have hit my last of, what I am loving referring to as, the hump directors.
In a turn of events that I’m sure shocks absolutely no one, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was considered by many to be a little “too dark” and a little “abstractly horrifying” for children. Since that film was sandwiched in Cuarón’s career between Oscar nominated Y Tu Mamá También and Oscar nominated Children of Men, I can see how this conclusion was made. Cinematic genius doesn’t have to come with a child friendly label, but the Harry Potter franchise does, and that last film definitely toed the PG to PG-13 line. As a result, I strapped into my most cable-knit old man sweater in preparation for what new director Mike Newell had to offer.
The result is that he gave us a Batman movie. Let’s talk about that!
This was a much more action packed kind of film and honestly, as much as I really prefer the darker, more artistic take on Prisoner of Azkaban, the action-film nature of this one, in my opinion, rounded it out as the best, physical Harry Potter film. Paced very well, great tie-ins with the B plot, and all of the magical elements tied in appropriately with the story. The first two films were definitely treated like fantasy films, where the world building and book tie-ins took precedent. The third was the outlier artistic drama, which definitely had its place for more adult viewers such as myself.
Now, when I say this movie is a Batman movie, a lot of you will probably fight me. But I challenge each and every single one of you to go back and listen to the opening credits song of that film, entitled “The Story Continues”, and look me dead in the eye and tell me that’s not the red headed Weasley cousin of the opening of Elfman’s ’89 Batman score.
Go on, do it. I dare you.
There is also other evidence though, so let’s continue.
Typical of a Batman story, we begin with a flashback, this time with less falling pearls and more snakes that look eerily like the zoo snake from the first film. They either ran out of snakes or I’m going to guess that becomes conveniently important later. The music really amps you up, so that as we get the slow groundskeeper reveal to an actual Masterpiece Theater chair containing Ray Fiennes, who I still do not get to see I might add. We see a familiar face, that of actual Peter Pettigrew, as compared to Rat-Man Peter Pettigrew, and the titillation grows only further as it is revealed that he plotting alongside 500 tiny lizards portraying David Tennant.
I don’t know who told him that doing that weird tongue thing was totally appropriate actor gestus, but they were not his friend.
I was gently relieved, halfway through this film series, that we’re finally starting to get to physically see some of the past actions of Voldemort as an actual Hitler guy, as opposed to the Goosebumps story high school villain, or just hearing from others who won’t even say his fucking name that he’s totally Hitler. As an audience member it was nice to finally feel tangibility to this weird conspiracy of evil that had been permeating throughout the other films.
We are sucked out of this world swiftly, but effectively, as Hermione awakens Harry in my new favorite place of all time, not the Dursleys house. Thank you all, for not spoiling this. I literally paused the film and fist punched the air like I was riding a goddamn Hippogryph when I realized where they were. Ding-dong the device is dead, and we can finally build out the wizarding world with more time and forethought, rather than having to rush through 7 minute back to school shopping segments.
Dursley’s aside though, I was genuinely impressed at how well within the first 10 minutes of the film, this new director had established a completely different, but still comfortable style within the universe for these films. Very similar to the feel of Batman: The Animated Series, sans the noir, we are presented with a perfect jewel tone balance in conjunction with warm light and dark browns, creating a fireside shadow effect that would flip throughout the film in how it portrayed light and dark. The look was so unlike the last film, yet so reminiscent to the first one. The first film consisted of a lot of bursts of color from black, these colors quickened the senses a little more, keeping you visually stimulated from start to finish.
We also get to see the fun, lighthearted nature of their friendship as Hermione proceeds to wake everyone up, something almost akin to watching an eager teen waking everyone up from a sleepover the day of something cool. This is shockingly something that we really have not gotten to see out of all three of them together yet. It took watching this opening sequence to realize that in four movies, I had not seen a single scene of Harry, Ron and Hermione doing something that wasn’t school or peril related together. There were scenes of them together as a group being “the trio” or in duos having more personal moments, such as at the Shrieking Shack before Harry showed up with the cloak of invisibility, or various scenes of all three of them in study hall, but none of them actually playing or having genuine fun together. This was a breath of fresh air I hadn’t even realized that I needed, but in an instant garnered so much more depth for these characters.
They had finally shucked off the thick husks as characters, and had become people.
Also, apparently Harry Potter’s scar not only detects when evil flashbacks are afoot and attracts visual camaraderie, but its searing pain is also the bringer of the late 1980s. Awkward puberty dude tank tops and the most violently feathered hair abounds. You may recognize Ron Weasley’s lighter-than-air locks as Princess Diana’s 1985 go-to style and decide for yourselves who wore it best. It’s a common Hollywood styling misconception that longer hair makes men look younger, but I genuinely couldn’t tell if they were trying to age down the rapidly growing actors, or if that was just a choice.
A small hiking trip against a Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers style sunrise pastorally teased me into the idea that Ginny Weasley would be in more of this movie, but instead introduced two new characters; a pair of eyebrows that would later grow up to become a vampire, and his dad I guess. I wish there had been a little more time to establish a connection with either of these two, getting a little more backstory as to why they might be on this trip with the Weasleys at all.
Much akin to what I have mentioned about magical items getting a little more than necessary screen time for the sake of being in the books, there have been one or two characters that have received this treatment as well. Specifically the Colin kid with the camera from Chamber of Secrets and the ongoing saga of the child I lovingly refer to as just “How to Get Away With Murder”. The Woods are the first characters who really experience the downside of this drop in and run treatment. But, a rather special boot had to take precedent of their greater character establishment.
As mentioned above, I normally have an opinion about out of nowhere drop-in magical item usage, but again, there’s no time. This movie moves so quickly, so all I could really do was say, “Sure. Fuck it. Magic.” A port-key flings them effortlessly and brilliantly into the answer of one of my direct questions from my last article; how do you keep Quidditch as a relevant distraction when there is so much danger associated with the school now? Answer: Take it out of the school and make it the flippin’ Quidditch World Cup.
The helicopter shot we receive of the stadium is a stunning sequence. The remarkably modern building elicits that reminder of the real world. The flashing lights and the crowds gathering in colorful droves didn’t really ramp up the Haley’s Circus imagery for me until we got back behind the bleachers. Sharp shots of jagged green light accentuate the entrance of not the Riddler, but those other guys with a penchant for green and murder-eyes, the Malfoys.
What Jason Isaac puts in to curbing his son’s shitty kid behavior into disdainful adult behavior is simple yet remarkably effective. It just goes to show what one good line and a good actor can really do. I got an evolution of Draco and who he was going to be as his father put him in his place, before delivering a not so subtle “while you can” villain quote for the trailers.
But then I finally got to see how flipping cool this sport could be.
I’ve never been a sports person in general. I’m originally from Colorado, so the only thing I know about sports proper is “Go Broncos”. That being said, what I can only imagine I was feeling when I witnessed Harry Potter and his school friends playing Quidditch was the equivalency of watching high school football. Watching the Quidditch World Cup was the difference between watching that and the Super Bowl. We get the most seamless drop in of a magical item to date, as well as the most clever, the use of a wand as a megaphone. I also wanted that terrifying Bulgarian man to eat the other team like so much Hannibal Lecter. I was in it to win it.
But of course with great fun comes great devastation. In fact, devastation is almost too kind of a word to describe the all out assault that takes place on the camp of athletic revelers. Decimation seems more apt, as a storm of pointy hooded, black clad stormtroopers make their way through the camp, leaving a “no survivors” message to be remembered. There is a certain reminiscent nature to the London Blitz. One moment you’ve turned your head to call out to a friend and before you can turn back around, they’re gone. Everything is gone.
The 500 lizards in their Tennant suit appear to Harry, literally signing the massacre with the symbol of absolute evil, their swastika, if you will.
There is a lovely little directorial moment here, where you can see the adults appear before Harry Potter in attack formation, as a battalion of old falling back into formation as naturally as putting on an old coat. It was a very interesting toss to battles from the original conflict, since these individuals all came from very different walks of life, from high-ranking minister to clerk. This was one of the bigger proponents, post first World War, from the eventual devolving of the English class system. When you have fought aside your superiors and bled just the same, there is a different context put into the way you live your life. It added a beautiful, unspoken sense of depth to the already harrowing situation.
The scar has begun to take more of a presence in this film than past ones, which creates a nice build as to how Harry Potter himself might be interconnected with He-Of-The-Hitler-Allegory-Persuasion. If we’re talking all out dreams and attacks now, this guy is clearly lurking around and causing issues, I thought it was smart to harp a little more on how it directly connects with the villain as compared to just generic evil shit floating around.
But once again we are back on the train shipping the children as far away from this impending darkness as the parents can possibly imagine, even though it is more a formality at this point, as the danger has already infected every aspect of these children’s lives. Like films before, we have our integral set up of what the tone of this film is going to look like, and again, I argue Batman. The color work alone has already proven a lot of my point here, but we get a fantastic moment of build between Harry, hero and wealthy benefactor of his friends, and his sidekick now grown, Ron. We are beginning to see the splintering of sidekick away from hero as Ron declines an offer of Harry covering the amount of some extra sweets his friend could not previously afford.
Why is this Batman, you might ask? Because the hero/sidekick relationship has never been so iconically defined in pop culture as Batman and Robin. There are other famous ones for sure, but the same way there are many well known fast food chains, we know McDonalds reigns supreme. The debate and fracture of the hero and his sidekick is an important film evolution as we see Ron slowly starting to become his own character, or at least wanting to. The “don’t call me sidekick” element is also quite indicative of the aging Robin archetype.
This small act also plays into that idea of the English higher class, as had Harry’s parents lived, it seemed that they would have been among more of a wealthy, elite status. This is something that has not really been played into yet within the context of this story, so it’s nice to see the children discovering and exploring the implications first.
My favorite part of this arrival at Hogwarts set up though, is the literal by land, by sea, and by air element that completely turns the notion of the year on its head. A beautiful tableau of the the arrival of something we know, something swift, something strong, and all together, something hopeful. Wrapped in the quickening action packed entrances is a sense of excitement and hope that these films have not had, I would argue since the first one. It is also an effortless way of once again giving us these big book moments without missing a beat of plot.
We learn that the school this year is apparently just being turned into a horny sports village. The Tri-Wizard Tournament, or as I liked to call it, the 1936 Summer Olympics, would take place this year between high powered wizarding schools from all across apparently just Europe. Apparently rather than talking to the children about the fact that they are constantly in danger now, it has been mutually agreed upon to provide the absolute ultimate distraction. They would literally rather play astoundingly deadly games than talk to these children about Hitler. This is the most adult thing these adults have done in these films to date.
We also proceed to have the most Schumacher Batman villain entrances I have ever witnessed outside of an actual Batman film. You know exactly what these peoples’ deals are the minute that they literally burst through these doors and parade their way into the scene.
We are introduced to a fever dream where all of France is just fancy ladies, complete with a Moulin Rouge Madame, who I am absolutely obsessed with and is also a giant. The Beauxbatons Academy ladies are a traditional teenage boy’s wet dream. They sashay their way into the scene through a series of sighs, butterflies and ballet. The director even makes the astoundingly gross choice to include a shot of just their butts as these high school girls prance their way to the front of the hall. They are apparently here as sexual objects for our now slightly less lovable Ron, who is immediately smitten, if we’re being kind.
As over the top feminine as the women of Beauxbatons were presented, we are subsequently met with the most masculine display by Durmstrang Institute. The audience, both wizarding and otherwise, is accosted with the literal swinging and slamming of phalluses to create fire and destroy someone else’s perfectly good floor. This is completed with synchronized grunting, like sweaty testosterone icing on a cake I did not ask for. This is followed by some scripted acrobatic displays and actual fire breathing. The only thing missing from this sequence was an actual bear. We are however reintroduced to my favorite Bulgarian nightmare machine, Viktor Krum now completing the look with his favorite Rasputin butler accessory.
We are also subsequently introduced to the most Tim Burton version of a war veteran I have ever seen, Mad Eye Moody. He is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, because of course he is. Despite the jocularly odd facade of the character himself, he does hold a time honored trope about him, the undercover General who’s seen way too much shit. It is a nice juxtaposition from the last man who held the position, everyone’s favorite not-so-teen wolf. Unfortunately due to an ill placed scar clutch moment, it is obvious from moment one that he is a bad guy. That being said, I feel like Lupin was also the exception to the rule when it comes to not-particularly-shitty Dark Arts Professors.
Headmaster Dumbledore proceeds to explain that this year the rules will be a bit different, as you may only apply to be a part of this deadly contest if you are an adult. Why they would have let children partake of this in the past is fucking beyond me, but apparently this year they’re making an exception.
Now, if you recall, I called this competition the 1936 Summer Olympics. For those who maybe aren’t so super up on their pre World War II history, in 1936 the Summer Olympics were held in Berlin while Adolf Hitler was Chancellor. He tried to use it at as a big dick swinging kind of power play by trying to use it as a platform for the idea of a master race. As a result, every competitor of Jewish or ethnically diverse origin was walking into Berlin that year with an actual target on their back. Which is very similar to what happens if you put your name into the Goblet of Fire.
Dumbledore makes it exceedingly clear that whoever puts their name in his fanciest cup, stands the chance of dying horribly this year, by their own choice. A lot of Jewish-American and minority athletes were told they probably shouldn’t participate in this once in a lifetime chance in 1936 and therefore didn’t. This was circumvented by Jesse Owens deciding to go anyway, thusly going on to be one of the most revered Olympians of all time. In many ways, this is how I saw the purpose of the Goblet proper. It was an interesting take on the event.
We are presented with an interlude to show us just how bad of an idea it was to put an old grizzled army guy in charge of a room full of children. Mad Eye Moody lives up to his name as he proceeds to show off the three super illegal spells that are apparently enough to get you sent to prison if performed. And yet here we are, showing children how to endure and perform torture.
This basically lands somewhere on a scale between bringing cocaine into a classroom and saying, “This is what cocaine looks like kids”, and bringing in a sawed off shotgun to show what its effects are on a pig. Thankfully the children react accordingly, as this is remarkably unsettling. Also the reveal of the killing curse explains a lot of the adults reverence towards Harry, which was a lovely, grounding moment.
All of this was very reminiscent of the World War I use of biochemical warfare, totally horrific but everyone thought it was their last line of defense. There’s a reason why most were made completely illegal worldwide. Physically seeing the effects is what convinced the world that these methods were inhumane, and seeing what Mad Eye does to that weird bug was very, very on point with these ideas.
As upsetting overall as this particular scene is, it actually ushers in a lot of very humanistic moments, really giving the actors a chance to play with the material a little more than maybe they have been able to in past films. Neville Longbottom, who I think we can all agree we are happy for now that they are no longer putting him in a fat suit, gives a lovely little nuanced performance against this crazy man who is also to be revered in this community. It establishes this idea that Moody is able to recognize and elevate the weakest link in the team, because in war you are only as strong as your weakest link.
But enough about death curses and the inability to have a normal childhood because of a series of traumatizing Professors that all seem to gravitate towards one class, we have to put our names in a cup of death games! Fred and George give us one establishing moment of how you are unable to cheat this system. Their continual begging for death and glory like some kind of propaganda film only confirms more for me that one if not both are going to die in this conflict. I’m starting to lean towards only one, since that would be sadder for the other one because twins.
We also get a scene of just ocular seduction between Viktor Krum and Hermione, which I could not help but to cheer for as my high school sexual awakening also came in the form of an awkward eastern European dude.
Also, this is a pet peeve worth noting, they keep referring to Durmstrang as “their friends in the North” which if they are actually Bulgarian means that Hogwarts is located in Greece. I’m wildly confused as to how geography works in this world now.
But the names are in the cup and when all’s said and done, of course Harry’s name is also pulled next to three far more qualified candidates, leading to something that characteristically I am glad that they actually address in this series. Harry’s immediate classmates are beginning to get sick of his notoriety. This was a long time coming, since last year there were literally soul sucking murder phantoms stationed around the school because of Harry. Draco Malfoy may be annoying and terrible, but he’s not always wrong when he points out Harry’s special treatment. It is particularly interesting in how this affects sidekick Ron Weasley, who has finally come full circle in realizing what it means to be in the shadow of an in-title-only hero.
This also folds in nicely with Harry’s notoriety finally causing issues with other adults. Headmistress de Fashion Sense and Lil’ Rasputin don’t give two shits about who this kid is, they just know that this is dangerous, illegal, and unfair. If there is one thing I will say about this story, it sets up a need for Harry to prove himself not just in private, but in public, if he wants to continue holding the title of hero of the story. It is completed though with an unexpected tableaux of all of the adults looking back at Harry, not with anger, but with fear. It reminds you how dangerous these games are and that life is more important to these people than winning.
This comes hand in hand with the idea that also, Harry Potter’s story is not his own to tell. Perception is reality, both here in the real world and apparently in the wizarding world as well, as we are introduced to the incomparable Miranda Richardson, who plays Rita Skeeter. Appearing as the window to the world of gossip, Rita introduces all of the children to the very real idea that it doesn’t matter who you are, it matters how others see your actions. Also her notes about Harry’s pathological need for attention in conjuncture with a suicidal death wish are not completely off, though of course insensitive. I also have a tremendous acting crush on Miranda Richardson, so every moment she is on screen was pure gold to me.
They paid Gary Oldman to have at least a cameo for this film, so we get a little more information about how apparently letting more unknown adults into the school during a time of crisis might not have been the best of plans. His fiery face shows exactly what Skeeter’s character proves over all, perception is reality. Igor Karkaroff was apparently acquitted of being a Death Eater and one of the judges who’s been floating around, Barty Crouch, sent his son to Azkaban for being one. Basically, maybe this wasn’t the best time to have a bunch of ex-war generals/sympathizers/judges floating around the children. It’s kind of asking for trouble.
As we build up to the first big trial of these games, Harry is met with a very different dichotomy than what he usually experiences at Hogwarts, which is remarkably refreshing for the reader. Due to his perpetual Mean Girls fighting with Ron, he no longer has access to his normal bank of backup. As he is harangued by his fellow classmates through a series of “Potter Stinks” buttons, a little touch which really rubs in the dirt which I loved, Harry is forced to look outside his normal comfort circle for help.
But in the midst of arguing with friends, awkwardly not knowing how to talk to girls and being trying not to die, it is worth noting that they do a very interesting scene with Mad Eye Moody. We are basically given a small, child friendly to say the least, veteran breakdown on a student. Using one of the “this will totally get you sent to big boy jail” curses, he manipulates Draco Malfoy using the Imperius Curse. This is basically a veteran attacking a child, and then getting a slap on the wrist. Not to mention, the child who statistically has been picked on by teachers more in these films than any other student. I also can’t imagine he has a super great home life, despite being wealthy. Much how Harry Potter receives special treatment because of adults feelings towards his parents, Draco Malfoy experiences the same, only in the more malicious direction. This is proven by the “I could tell you stories about your father that would make your hair curl”. They’re all aware of his parentage and that they don’t like it, or as a result, him. This kid is being conditioned not just at home to hate, but at school through his subsequent treatment by the staff.
But finally, through a series of cheating adults and Harry having to learn the value of strategy on his own without the help of Hermione, we get to see some flippin’ cool dragons.
These action sequences associated with the trials of the Tri-Wizard tournament continue to back up my stating that this film is a Batman action film. The wand seems more like a utility belt gadget in this fight as Harry scales a lot of battles-ground terrain, eventually ending up in an air fight. These new, flashy, cape like robes only instill this image further. The feeling overall had less of a sense of magic and more of a sense of superhero. That being said, I would argue that helps to ground the magic a little more, which is helpful as we are starting to tiptoe into the territory of seeing magic as a wartime weapon.
Harry wins not only his event, but also wins back over the hearts of his friends and house as he proves to us what Katniss Everdeen has so many times before, you don’t have to be the best contestant, you just have to be the most interesting.
The reward for surviving certain reptilian death is the most high school thing you could possibly imagine, a school wide dance. The teenagers can finally hormonally come home to roost as the pecking begins to figure out who’s going with who, who’s bad at dancing, and who got stuck with grandpa’s old suit. For something that normally would have been rather tedious and annoying for me, I actually found it rather endearing. This of course means that I’m developing human feelings for these characters, as compared to just making the faces that the flashcards tell me mean emotions, which is quite frankly not something I was expecting.
Thankfully these human feelings are curtailed by the introduction of yet another character, Cho Chang. I’m not really sure what the point of this introduction is for her other than to be a wedged in, poorly planned, last minute love interest, a literary and screenplay mechanism I truly abhor as I see it as a waste of female characters. I have adapted Arrested Development rules with her, as I see her lasting as a love interest, a term I use in its most generous sense, for like maybe one more film.
Much like regular high school dances, the Yule Ball brings out the best and worst in people. Hermione is a baller, showing up looking fly as all hell and really rubbing it in Harry and Ron’s faces. As a lady who had only guy friends growing up who just “assumed I would be their prom date”, I Tyra Banks fist pumped for her. Harry and Ron proceed to have a terrible time, begrudging the fact that they couldn’t be bothered to get their shit together to actually ask the girls they wanted, or treat them with respect. Neville continues to shine, bringing a nice light and life to this character as he is not only the best dancer but presumably a bit of a ladies man, as they make a point to show that he is the last to get home from the dance. It made me happy that while they had to invent a character so that Harry was not asking Ginny Weasley, the obvious choice I suppose, she got to get down with her bad self and actually have a good time with an awesome dude.
They really go all out to give you the feel of high school with this occasion. Starting off like a bad commercial, we begin with the most formal of dancing before plunging into the most TV friendly 80s British punk rock you can imagine. They were really trying to capture an era here, but I’m not really sure why the 80s is what they were going with. Ron’s embarrassing dress robes, while aesthetically a bit over the top considering that everyone else was in basically tuxedos, certainly played its part in the idea of the worst dressed kid at the event. They even went so far as to have a scene showing a smattering of girls crying outside on the steps towards the end of the dance, which is the most high school you can possibly get.
The dance itself though is by far the most Batman set I have ever seen. I’ll fight you in the parking lot if you don’t think this looks like Arnie’s Mr. Freeze did the decorating.
But all frivolities must come to an end, after all, this movie is about death games! Thankfully the man formerly known as Eyebrows, soon to be known as Edward, is a nice boy with a good heart and decides to share information with Harry about how to find the next clue from the egg he retrieved from the dragon. This leads to a scene where, had we not been dealing with a 14 year old boy, would have made perfect sense in a spy movie starring Jeremy Renner. I don’t know why they thought flashing some 14 year old abs and almost sexual assault by a ghost lady was necessary to the plot, but hey, I guess they thought they were in a Bond movie for a moment.
The revelations made in during this pervy bath time though, lead to Neville yet again stepping up and being a bro. This movie has really done some great service for him in this kind of, oh you know, Alfred Pennyworth setting. He’s full of surprises, exceedingly helpful and has built himself a lovely, subtle character dialog that clearly only grows with the films. The actor brings a lot of delicate grace to the role as well. I can’t wait to see what kind of surprises future films have in store for him.
But while Harry and the other contestants engage in their next task, we are awakened to another side of these messed up child Olympics, specifically the inclusion of their friends and family. We are quickly introduced to yet another cool Rowling take on a traditional fantasy creature, the mermaid, only to discover that now, someone who is associated with these games had to go out, kidnap a series of significant others and family members, induce a non-drowning coma, and give them to these creatures. That’s pretty fucked if you ask me. Not to mention, I feel like it wasn’t mentioned at any point in time during the discussion of the rules of these games that your friends and family would be targeted for death as well. That being said, this is nice time to note how similar that once again is to the 1939 Summer Olympics. Friends and family who attended the games in Berlin to support their loves ones who would have normally been persecuted by Hitler at the time, did so knowing that they had targets on their backs.
Harry saves the day, of course, reminding us that Beauxbaton still had a contestant in this race who is not only just something sexy to look at, but also exceedingly bad at these games.
But all is interrupted as who’d have thought during such dangerous times, a man is found dead. Barty “Poirot-stache” Crouch is found dead by Harry, leading us back to the principal’s office and a series of drinking the weirdest memory Kool-Aid, thusly showing Harry the fuller extent of what Sirius had told him before. Unlike Riddle’s diary, which had the fault of having an unreliable narrator, the Pensieve is able to show Harry the visual goings on, not attached to emotional involvement. This is a nice change of pace because it allows Harry to actually interpret a first war situation for himself, as compared to getting the version from whatever adult is telling it to him. We learn the sad history as to why Neville lives with his grandmother, and also why it was all the more upsetting for him to witness Mooney’s teaching techniques.
There is also a bit in there about the David Tennant mask held erect by 500 lizards, who is also apparently Barty’s son, and how he’s the guy Harry’s been seeing in his dream with Voldemort. At this point, it was pretty hard not to assume that if Sirius could get out of superjail, this weirdo probably could too. This was actually kind of nice, because it showed Harry telling Dumbledore about his dream, owning up to an escalation in the overarching issues of this war. Dumbledore, of course, continues to withhold information, much to my personal chagrin, because adults being terrible is an overarching theme in these films.
But of course, there’s one more gauntlet to run in the Tri-Wizard, so despite unsolved murder we’re back to the games. We’ve had two physical challenges, so it was nice to see that they were able to throw in a psychological one here at the end. The hedge maze isn’t necessarily a staple in fantasy, but it is what I like to considerer, a common treat. Gardens and hedge mazes as a way of discovering things or finding yourself is strikingly more common in English fantasy, so it was certainly a nice moment to see this popping up here at the end of the film.
But also, because you know, this is a flipping Batman movie, the term “psychological trial” mostly means we’re going to punch our way out of it. Like so many times before, whenever Batman is cornered in his mind by Crane or Jervis Tetch, there’s normally a few cleverly shouted “no”s at the sky, followed by some hands on temples looking down, followed by burying those feelings and just getting through it. Again, usually with punching. I can only imagine it was more fleshed out in the book, but for the film, it felt a bit more rushed for the sake of the action. So what we got was a very cinematically Batman sequence.
Starting with that slow “where am I?” mist, Harry seems to be worried about confronting his own demons. We are given glimpses of the others with no real strategy plan in sight, like a light string or bread crumbs, it’s just an endless journey into madness whose point is for them to not succeed. It’s basically a Mad Hatter level out of an Arkham game.
Viktor and Fleur are incapacitated pretty quickly, resulting in a triumphant hero move on Harry’s part as he saves Eyebrows and they get to share in Hogwartian glory, grabbing the Tri-Wizard cup together and presumably winning the day.
It was a rather nice and unexpected treat to see that this could not have been more wrong.
I love a well used mirroring ploy in film making, and having the portkey play an important part at the beginning and end of this film set up a nice sense of symmetry that really paid off. For what seemed a bit of a means to an end at the beginning was a very clever way of actually showing magic being used for good as compared to the very same simple idea being used for evil. There is also something to be said about the mundanity of the first port key, an old boot that takes you to a fancy soccer game, almost a household item. To think that something as simple as a fancy cup can be used in such a sinister fashion was quite a load to think about.
They are brought to the most staged graveyard since Vincent Price films and during a sad series of villainous monologuing, Eyebrows is killed, leaving Harry the one and only hero of the tale. That being said, this is also the very first, and very real, death of a human being that Harry Potter has witnessed. It is also a death that, technically, is his fault due to the nature of who he is and why they’re there in the first place. I can only hope they play with the resonance of such a horrific visual with Harry for at least half a film. He has witnessed the first true student casualty of war. After a move like this, there’s really no pussyfooting around the fact that he is really no longer an innocent observer anymore. He needs to be playing a far more active part in this war, not just at school.
Speaking of no longer pussyfooting, through a rebirth of flesh and fire, Voldemort is fully back in action.
No more screwing around. He is flesh and blood. Actual Hitler as compared to just metaphorical Hitler. He calls his black clad KKK minions out, one of whom is Lucius Malfoy, a fact that surprises literally no one. There is a lovely moment here where we get to see that Voldemort’s white whale is absolutely Harry Potter, which he shows by releasing Harry and challenging him to a duel to prove who the better wizard is. Their wands don’t work against each other, presumably because they’re made from the bird who only gave those two feathers for wands, which you would think creepiest wizard in the universe Mr. John Hurt would have mentioned at some point, but alas. The result is that one section from The Haunted Mansion ride at Disney Parks where the grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize, which proves enough of a distraction for Harry to cheese it with Cedric’s body.
Harry appears with, you know, a dead kid, claiming that Hitler is back and totally killed this teen. Eyebrows’ dad gets a well earned dignified outward cry into the sky, because that is a remarkably upsetting image, to have your son winning at the wizard Olympics one moment, disappear for like 20 minutes, and then reappear super dead.
Moody attempts the worst interrogation known to wizarding kind, ultimately revealing himself to be the tongue spamming David Tennant himself, who has been taking Polyjuice potion the whole film. It was a nice twist on the scar assumptions I made at the introduction of his character, but I’m still not entire sure this character is on the up-and-up.
Lizard Man Tennant is sent back to Azkaban, presumably only to escape the same way he did the first time, I don’t know why they’re not looking more into how all these people are getting out of there. It’s starting to seem more like the prison from Orange is the New Black and less like Oz with murder phantoms.
Dumbledore does his traditional wrap up dinner speech, telling everyone that Hitler is totally back you guys. The Beauxbatons and Durmstrangs understandably book it as fast as they can, and the fallout is left for another film.
I really, genuinely enjoyed the fast paced nature of Goblet of Fire. They got a lot of information in there, but it never really felt as forced as some of the earlier films. All Batman jokes aside, you can really see where the director got his influence for this film and I think it really worked as an advantage for him. Being able to tap into the absurdity while balancing it with the serious nature of death and pain helped really level the pacing to really make this story flow smoothly.
Batman works. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
The action packed nature of this particular film was an appropriate departure, really giving way to a very interesting future where these children are not even allowed to be teenagers anymore. They got three childhood films, and one teenage year one. It was was a necessary bridge that needed to happen and was handled, at least in my opinion, reasonably well. We got to delve into some more adult themes while keeping the whimsy and colorful fun present.
My one big complaint, and I think it’s worth making, is that this was the most sexist film to date, and I genuinely can’t tell who’s fault that is, the director or the writer. I imagine that ultimately, it is a combination of both. The female characters, even established ones, were mostly useless and intentionally used as hormonal motivations for male characters, which takes away from some of the really lovely moments we’ve gotten out of characters like Hermione and Ginny in the past. Never before in these films have we had shots exclusively used for sexualizing women, and I don’t think they were needed in this film either. It’s also worth noting that again, these women are not women, they are by character and actor age, children. You can show budding romance without all that, it’s been done countless times before and I don’t really know if that kind of sexualization is needed in this story.
So with that in mind, this is what I got out of this round.
So there we have it! Thanks for waiting a week for the Halloween mischief to die down, and join me next time as we dig into the Age of Yates, the only Harry Potter franchise director who actually stuck!
Check out more instalments in this journey below!
